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10th October 2008


IF: Poetry Corner
Home -> Features -> Opinions and Columns ->

“IF you can torque your head when all about you, Are warping theirs and blaming it on you...” So wrote Dockyard Kipling, with a bit of help from Dave off of the RC Message Board...

IF you can torque your head when all about you
Are warping theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when 'er indoors doubts you,
But make allowance for her undoubtedly being right too;
If you can wait for RC54 and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't buy a Haynes Manual,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating, or buy a Harley Davidson
And yet don't look too good, nor spout garbage on websites:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;-and certainly not Superdreams
If you can think - and not hit the bathroom floor with your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Norton
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the views on bike electrics you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the bikes you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all the crap bikes in your shed
And risk it on one turn of a Chinese spanner,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss,because those ****s on RC will only commiserate while sniggering behind their keyboards;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To try and kickstart your old heap long after everyone else has gone home,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on,this 'kin wiring diagram is upside down!'

If you can talk bolleaux with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with the Surrey H.O.G. - nor lose the common touch,
If neither Volvos nor summer road warriors can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but on their fingers;
If you can push the unforgiving Honda
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Your problem is the Earth (the dodgy wiring,the temperature gauge etc.) and everything that's in it, innit
And - which is more - you'll be a biker/motorcyclist/motorcycle enthusiast, my son!

Dockyard Kipling

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling, who makes exceedingly good cakes...

If all men count with you, but on their fingers;...

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