24th June 2011
The truth can now be told. One-time motorcycle testing journalist, Derek Pickard, reveals the real meaning behind those bland test reports from the 1970s and 1980s...
'This European motorcycle maker launched its new model in a cultured European way.'
'...and this new model carries on the thoroughbred European tradition.'
'A truly individualistic background without bowing to fashion trends.'
'...incorporates many proven features.'
'...destined to become a classic.'
'...definitely an investment.'
'This latest model boasts strategic performance enhancements.'
'...Triumph's new engine in the form of a vertical twin is a revolutionary layout.'
'Starting requires a definite technique.'
'A characteristic throb from this unique engine layout.'
'Acceleration was conservative.'
'But overall performance is adequate.'
'The anti-theft locking features what the maker calls Vehicle Concept Security.'
'And this bike boasts an excellent recovery rate if stolen.'
'Even after a long hard run there was only a slight mist of oil on external parts.
'The inclusion in the price of a branded mountain bike in matching colours is a bold marketing thrust.'
'Limited numbers will be released locally and the maker expects most will be exported to a central Asian target market.'
'Those were the days when an unreliable tickover spoilt an otherwise good engine.'
'...unusual materials science by this new maker in the emerging Asian nation.'
'This base model is designed to compete in the price-conscious postal fleet market.'
'Buy this bike and your neighbours will take notice.'
'The new pattern tyres allowed a light amount of slip.'
'The lateral suspension design is a concept that ensures the moment of polar inertia is transitioned to minimise angular singularity.'
'This is a fantastic bike because it incorporates four small luggage compartments.'
'The many well designed compartments are delightfully spacious which reflect the genius of the overall design.'
'This new benchmark in design might go forward for our Bike of the Year short list.'
'High speed handling is predictable'
'Handling is not suited to all riders.'
'The sumptuous new seat is disarmingly comfortable.'
'Handling is as good as it gets for fast road use.'
'Some of the revolutionary safety features need fine-tuning.'
'The maker is one of the most trusted of builders.'
'This new Honda will be made in the company's new Edinburgh factory.'
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